True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
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