if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
lets start a swedish sibling band together
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
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