He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
