dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Randomize
