I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Randomize
