I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize
