your parents love me but you hate me
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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