i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
