Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
You are the jesus of drinking
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
