I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
