Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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