The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
