dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
Operation Purity has been aborted
These 21 Drunks Said The Darndest Things
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
These 25 Irresponsible People Blew All Their Cash On Drugs, Booze, & Sex
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.