we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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