What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
21 Of The Most Regrettable Tattoo Ideas Ever
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
These 25 People Had Very Inappropriate Sexual Relations(hips)
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.