i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I'm bleeding and have questions