finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
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