I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
weddingsv make me drug and hornr
He is an equal opportunity slut.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
23 People Noticed Deal Breakers in Their Partner A Little Too Late
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Edward fifth and chaser hands
23 Millennials Confess The Things They Wish They Weren’t Attracted To
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision