The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
I will be naked everywhere
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.