It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off