It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
