please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
