I only kidnapped one of them. chill
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
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