I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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