I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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