he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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