My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
we're so committed to being not committed
Randomize
