I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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