Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Randomize
