I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
