i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Randomize
