I've blown a few things in my day
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Randomize