Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
