Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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