Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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