i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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