you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize