So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
