i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
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