you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
