Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
