im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Randomize
