yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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