the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
