it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Dear god my vagina.
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