Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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