Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
