She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
