was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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