Please, let me fuck your mom
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
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