There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Randomize
