I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
