happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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