the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
I had to cum in my sink.
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