Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
I wear drunk well.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
