just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
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