he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Randomize
