Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Randomize
