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They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
