ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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