I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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