i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
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