Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
We are two peas in an std pod
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Randomize