I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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