all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
