How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
