Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
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at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
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be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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