i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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