remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
