pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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