It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
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