he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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