it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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