I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
