we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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