who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Randomize
