Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
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